Nacho-Average-Rater©*
*Subject to Subjectivity
Chips.
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The backbone of the nacho, though oft ignored, is the chips themselves.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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Yellow corn chips are included.
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+ 2
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More than one corn chip type used.
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+1 for each additional chip type.
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If chips are homemade…
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+1 quality, crunchy, yum
-1 flaky or weird
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Grease level under control.
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+1 low
-1 high
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Subtotal →
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Cheese.
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This simple ingredient can make or break the nachos. Ultimately you’re looking for thoroughly melted and natural cheese produce.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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The cheese is thoroughly melted.
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+2 yes
-1 no
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Multiple cheeses are involved.
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+ 1 for each additional cheese type.
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Canned cheese or “nacho cheese” used.
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-1
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Cheese dispersed evenly.
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+1 even
- 1 major clumps
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Some of the cheese is “browned”.
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+1
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Subtotal →
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Tomatoes/Salsa/other fancy names.
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These help to round out the plate and add complexity to the bouquet and mouth feel.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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Tomatoes are fresh.
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+2
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Tomatoes/Salsa involves other things like onions or herbs.
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+2
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Tomatoes are not “soaking” the chips.
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+1
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There is a good amount.
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+1 just enough
- 1 too little or too much
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Subtotal →
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Sour Cream and Guacamole.
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For many, these components heighten the experience beyond their wildest dreams.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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Guacamole is present.
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+ 1 room temperature
- 1 something is “off”
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Sour Cream is present.
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+ 1 normal sour cream
- 1 flavored sour cream
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Neither!
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+2 stands alone
-1 too dry without somethin’ somethin’
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Olives.
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Irrelevant, imposing, and, frankly, irritating.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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Olives are included.
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-2
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Subtotal →
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Beans.
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They need to be there. Did we stutter?
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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Black beans are included.
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+2
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A substitution for black beans has been attempted.
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0 does not detract from dish
-1 detracts from dish
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Subtotal →
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Meat.
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Meat on nachos is a highly personal component, if one at all. There are parameters that must be met regardless of patron preferences.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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If CHILI
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+1 zesty and NOT SWEET
+ 1 dispersed well
- 1 causes overwhelming sog
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If CHICKEN
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+2 white breast
- 2 riddled with that chewy stuff, clearly not choice cuts (I’m looking at you on Sundays, Iron Hill)
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If OTHER (aka crab)
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+ 2 tasty
- 2 creepy
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If MEAT-FREE
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+2 stands alone!
- 1 feels somehow lacking
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Subtotal →
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Jalapenos.
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I cannot overemphasize the importance of appropriate jalapeno incorporation.
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Description
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Point System
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Point Tally
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Jalapenos included.
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+2 fresh
-3 canned
-2 absent
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Jalapenos are evenly dispersed.
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+1
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Extra jalapenos are available upon request.
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+1
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Roasted jalapenos are present.
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0 you’re okay with that
-1 you’re weirded out – why aren’t these sliced?
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Subtotal →
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GRAND TOTAL! →
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/25
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Tip!
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Multiply your score by 4 to get x/100! (wink wink)
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Local Nacho Roundup.